I had profoundly sad and unexpected news today. I was told that my friend had died suddenly in his sleep. I don't really have the words to explain my feelings on this. The pain of the news has slipped between my ribs more keenly than any knife and I find my thoughts are difficult to grasp.
He was not old. He was not ill. He had not lived a full life. So as I write there is a hole in me where my friend was. This is coupled with a sense of bewilderment at the suddenness and unfairness of his loss. These are strange and dreadful feelings to have.
Maybe in time the pain will fade and become no more than a dull ache? Maybe my slowly fading memories will make this a kinder blow to suffer? Time will tell. I do know already that nothing will fill the void left by his passing. A loyal and true friend is hard to come by and they are impossible to replace. I find myself wondering where he is now and what he is doing?I'm told this is not unusual to feel and there is a certain cold comfort to be had in this thought.
A kindness David once did was to give me a book on Gerard Mercator. He was a sixteenth century mapmaker who solved the problem of mapping the globe. An odd gift to give at random but it was not a random gift. He knew my love of history and old maps and he'd searched high and low for this most suited of presents. To be so thoughtful and take so much trouble for a friend was not unusual for him. I am looking at this book now as I think fondly on my dear friend. I look at these ancient maps and consider his journey into a new uncharted country. A journey he did not choose to make and one he should not have made yet. I also reflect with a weary sadness on the people he leaves behind. One day, like everyone, I'll join him but until then I shall just remember him with fondness and pay my last respects to him. Goodbye David and safe journey.
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